So many blessings for all concerned! These thought-provoking stories reveal the myriad faces of gay dads and their children, and the perseverance, commitment, and love that bind these families together. Neither a personal memoir nor a clinical study, it is instead the spiritual survey of a trend, encompassing not just the hard data but the yearnings, the impediments, the strategies, the joys, the costs, and the benefits of becoming a parent in a way almost no one has done before. As such, it is a valuable addition to the growing literature on the subject, whose relevance will only increase with time—not only for gay people but also for the growing majority of Americans being raised outside the white-picket, two-parent, two-sex, one-race, genetically related ideal or was it a fantasy? Special thanks to Michael Sheldon for laying the groundwork on which the book was built. To Kris Timken, whose photographs bring the people in this book to life, Alte Gay Daddys Besorgen Es Sich offer particular thanks. Without her dedication, commitment, and enthusiasm, and without endless travel that took her from her family, this book simply would not have happened. She consistently exceeded expectations. To my agent, Sarah Jane Freymann, who believed in the project from the beginning and kept on believing in it through thick and thin, and to Susanna Margolis, who helped give voice to so many gay dads, I express deepest gratitude. For this paperback edition of the book, I again want to acknowledge Joel Fotinos, publisher of the Jeremy P. Tarcher imprint, and to offer thanks to editor Terri Hennessy. Both have been unstinting in their ongoing support and encouragement. I extend particular gratitude to Sally Susman, communications maven extraordinaire, for her commitment and enthusiasm in spearheading the effort to get the word out about Gay Dads. I am grateful to you all. For their friendship, as consistent as it is profound, I thank Mary Ann Deffenbaugh and Catherine Ryan. And for their continued support and enthusiasm for this book, thanks to Rob Levy, Dave Schutte, Mark Corpron, and Joe Vallo. Thanks also to Terry Boggis, director of Center Kids, and to staff at COLAGE and the Human Rights Campaign for referring families to be interviewed. Stephanie Schacher, Psy. Thanks also to researchers Lauren Hudecki, of the Lambda Alte Gay Daddys Besorgen Es Sich Defense and Education Fund, and Nikki Cruz, of COLAGE, for prompt, thorough research—congenially delivered. I want to express my eternal gratitude to the birthmothers of my children—and to all the birthmothers of all the children. Your sacrifice is our greatest gift, and you will always have a place in all our hearts. Finally, thanks to all the fathers who agreed to be interviewed for the book—for their time and for generously sharing their experiences. I n our statistics-happy nation, there are as yet no precise figures beyond crude estimates that measure the number of gay men who have set out to have children and create families of their own. Perhaps nobody has yet been able to count these men, for they represent a new phenomenon in our society. To be sure, there have always been men who married, fathered children with their wives, and only later—or perhaps never—identified themselves as homosexual. In the past, many such men probably remained closeted all their lives. More recently, many have come out of the closet and out of their marriages, while of course remaining devoted fathers to their children. But the phenomenon of men who identify themselves as gay, who openly and publicly live gay lives, and who then undertake to create families is still a fledgling trend. When my partner and I, an openly gay couple, became fathers for the first time inI felt that my heart was going to burst with joy and newfound love for our son. But I also felt isolated as a gay dad. I knew instinctively that there must be other families like mine, and I wanted to see them, hear from them, learn about their troubles and triumphs, find out what we had in common and what was different about their experience. I suspect that other gay dads feel a similar isolation, wherever they may live. I hope the book gives readers a sense of being present at the beginning of what I expect will one day become a more common aspect of gay life. To find these families, I alerted a number of national and local gay organizations. I received more than a hundred responses, interviewed more than 60 gay dads, and winnowed the number down to the
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